If you saw a chick awkwardly weeping on a treadmill at a San Francisco gym today...

...it was probably me. Before I elaborate, though, allow me to digress:

So, here we all are. It's the year 2008. While it may seem relatively easy to simply process this as the year following 2007, isn't it kind of bizarre to step back and think of it as a year that, to our former eighties-selves, was once considered totally space-age? I mean, it's merely 7 years prior to what we'd digested as the depiction of a future society in "Back to the Future II," and already a whole 9 years past Prince's ode to 1999. I guess my point is, wow -- you can never know just what to expect by the time another new year (or two, or five) arrives.

Okay, back to today's treadmill incident: So, recently, an mp3 was sent/dedicated to me from an old friend, which I listened to today while working out at the gym (which by the way, is the first time I've officially pushed myself, physically, since my surgery over two months ago). Without warning -- and despite only being able to hear the song through one earbud due to the surgery's resulting hearing loss on my right side, the song "Amazing" (yes, the one by Seal), immediately drew emotions out of me that I wasn't prepared for. In focusing on the lyrics, I was so overcome by a slew of unexpected emotions (perhaps provoked by adrenaline) that I couldn't contain my normally-stoic composure and right-out lost it in the middle of a crowded, New-Year's-Resolution-ridden gym.

Mind you, normally I'm no softie. However, it was right at that moment that my psyche digested how the arrival of this new year has marked the significant accomplishment of goals I've been aspiring toward since those drama-ridden days of early October. For example:

I spent the holidays, in good health, with my awesome family: my Mom (who was my ultimate rock throughout this ordeal), my Dad, my brother Ryan and dog Maddie -- back in my comforting hometown in Virginia. I spent equally-cherished quality time with the familiar faces of old friends and long-time neighbors whose hugs, concern and heartfelt encouragement left me speechless. Unexpectedly, I was flown to gorgeous Park City, Utah for New Year's Eve through the generosity of a married couple who I'd never previously realized were destined to become close friends of mine this year (friends who, by the way, were the ones responsible for both the anonymous stitched ninja black belt -- which I wore the entire Christmas Day over my brother's old karate uniform -- as well as a PERSONALIZED HAND-WRITTEN NOTE FROM HUEY LEWIS HIMSELF. Those of you who know me realize how huge this is, Huey being a longtime idol of mine whom I both worship and share a surname, which to my complete joy he referenced! And yes, I realize how dorky this sounds right now, but it was an overdue mention).

And finally, this week, the first of '08, I finally returned to my job here in San Francisco, which is what I consider the final benchmark of an exhaustive journey. While completely elated in greeting my (note: super-supportive and caring) coworkers after such a long hiatus, I was totally awestruck in finally settling in the same chair that not too long ago sat a former version of myself -- someone who was so scared of the unknown, of what was going to happen to her after she left it, and of course, what she would be like when/if she eventually sat in that chair again. And you know what? It felt really great to sit there, now knowing that in the end, I had nothing to worry about.

All right, so fast forward again to the gym today: the song began to play, and in the midst of it this grand summation of the past 3 months hit me all at once. And like those few "A-ha" moments in life that you can't truly explain with the dignity that they deserve, what I can tell you is that this whole experience came to a head today. And perhaps it was supported with the realization that, whoa -- here I am, back on my feet, pushing my body for the first time in months, without fear, as if nothing had ever happened. It may sound lame, but nevertheless it was one of those rare instances where the magnitude of something important hits you and at that moment you know it's one of those once-in-a-lifetime emotions that will be short-lived and all the same, life-changing.

That said, I think that if I could pass on any message to you all for the New Year, it'd be to take a reassuring inventory of the positive, great things we have in our lives. Granted, we all experience struggles: work can be tough, bills can be depressing, and the acceptance of being a real-life "adult" can be overwhelming. But believe me, your worst burdens are troubles that some people can only dream about. I feel luckier than I ever have and it's because I've glimpsed it from a darker, less-stable place. And even if you wind up at a similar place at some point -- and most of us will -- just know that things will get better. In the meantime, focus on the good life you've been given; relax in knowing you will always have an unbreakable human safety net beneath you should you ever need it.

I'm gonna go ahead and post "Amazing" below, and actually, now that it's been the subject matter of this insanely-lengthy post (sorry), I'm fully aware that it most likely won't resonate in the same way for you all as it did for me. I wanted to share it anyway, as it just happened to trigger something within me that I wanted to share it with you. At the very least, it's a good song to play during a workout.

I'm also gonna pull a switcheroo and dedicate this song to you guys instead -- while I may be considered "amazing" simply because I was able to withstand an unexpected, difficult life experience, it was you who gave me the strength to do it.


Have an amazing 2008... I, for one, plan on it.

Amazing | Lyrics