Having discovered this surprising news a few months prior, we had to move swiftly. Suddenly "brain surgery" was the most important thing to check off of my "to do" list.
I was super-positive before my brain surgery, and even afterwards -- despite the fact that I'd also just lost half of my hearing abilities -- I maintained a healthy spirit and vowed to keep a super positive outlook on life.
Over the years, however, I slowly began for forget the new "lease on life" I'd promised myself. I began to fall into dark places seemingly out of nowhere. I struggled with these emotions in not knowing how to deal with them.
These times of struggle were when the overwhelming question, "Why?", began to surface a lot: "Why did this happen to me? Why did I deserve this? Seriously… why?!" These "Why's" caught me off-guard with their intensity. I had no idea how to answer the question sufficiently and "everything happens for a reason" was getting really old.
I feel that the most difficult question we can ever ask in life is "Why?".
If the answer is unfortunate, it can be questionably heartbreaking; if left unanswered, it becomes an inexplicable void that doesn't easily go away.
So, how do we deal with the "Why's" in life? This is what I've decided so far:
It's important to accept that the "Why's" are inevitable. Life takes a lot of twists and turns. They will either be pleasantly surprising or unexpectedly unfortunate.
The latter will challenge you, and I think the best you can do is be prepared for that challenge. Your ammo is knowing that the power of family, friends (and sometimes, complete strangers) will be the kryptonite you need to combat the "Why's" that you so desperately want to answer, but can't.
It's SO important that these "Why's" don't defeat us.
My support system was ridiculously empowering and I remain astounded in retrospect. I remember feeling overly humbled and subconsciously thinking, "WHY are they doing all of this for me?!" That's an answer that continues to become more clear the more I think about it.
I feel I recently figured out the answer to my biggest "Why." Maybe everything that happened to me happened so I could use my learnings to somehow help others; that maybe I'm doing whatever I was supposed to do with this Life I was given.
Feeling confident in that answer has uplifted me and healed me. It's since defeated my own controlling "Why?", which I've been seeking an answer to for a long time.
It's important that the "Why's" never control us because there'll be no answer until we can solve these answers on our own. Confront the "Why's" when you're ready; use your core principles to create the answer that finally speaks to you and your unfulfilled question(s) will become clearer.
It won't be easy, but it'll happen in due time… believe me.
And good luck to you. Life has a funny way of working things out if you let them.
Love, Amanda
